How do i become detached:

it isn’t one things, it’s a lot of different things
we’ll go through many different perspectives to end up in this one place

What is the source of our attachment?

Avidya to our true nature
- Avidya = lack of knowledge/ignorance
- False identifications with our body & mind

outline

Dissociation/apathy
Desires & our relationship to the universe
1. Grasping
ego
karma
perception
tools
1. meta cognition
jnana yoga

advanced detachment isn’t about doing more or special things, it’s about doing them more & more consistently

“how do you get into shape?”
- you can be taught on each method of exercise, and little tweaks that can help you be more efficient/effective, but it’s the consistency that will really get you in shape

jnana yoga

yoga = union/liberations

4 paths for yoga to lead you to enlightment
- one of those paths is of knowledge
- in the path of knowledge, we contemplate
- we don’t do much/see many people practice this
- the path of contemplation is difficult
  - because our mind is not pure/is flawed

what detachment is not?

lot of people think it means apathy, being “unplugged”
- what is apathy? it is a very powerful attachment
- usually these people have a core attachment or emotion that is walled off and is calloused
  - underneath the “not caring” there is a lot of caring that leads them to wall themself off
- ex. people who have given up on dating
  - they’re not detached, they’re so resentful and burned, they just wall it off
  - wall off → stop feeling → apathy

detachment is about going all in

living life without worrying about the ego, consequences, etx
ex. casino
- the odds are not in your favor. you can calculate the odds
- but the way you play depends on your attachments
  - the way you approach the gambling can be very different
  - if you’re excited, passionate, “I can do it!”
- you can play the game dispassionately, calculated, or get caught up in it
vairagya - sanskrit word for detachment
- vai - without
- ragya - passion, interest, color
- living dispassionately is our goal
  - we don’t just ignore the world around us, we just don’t want to get caught up in it
  - you can feel emotions, have passion, but it’s about not letting it be all consuming and entirely sweeping you up
- people who are attached in life go towards what they’re attracted to, and away from the things that repulse them
  - so they lose control, your emotions dictate your actions
    - casino ex. “i’m on a hot streak” and become more passionate about winning more, but the odds are still against you
- neurosci
  - chasing our attachments is biologically impossible to get happiness
  - nucleus accumbens - you get a trigger of dopamine
    - 1st it creates pleasure
    - 2nd creates craving/anticipation
    - 3rd creates tolerance
  - do an activity
    - 5 units of pleasure, 1 unit of tolerance, 5 units anticipation
  - “i wan’t 5 units again”
    - if you win a second time
      - 4 units of pleasure, 1 unit tolerance, 5 units anticipation
  - 3rd
    - 3 units pleasure, 1 unit tolerance, 5 units anticipation
  - there’s no way to win this, as you engage in the behavior more, your pleasure goes down due to your tolerance, but you still have the same craving
- so we want to cultivate dispassion towards our life
  - you want to be like a gambler who understands there are consequences, what the odds are, but then can act appropriately
  - but when we act through our passions, we don’t accurately judge the world around us, we get caught up in stuff

avoid living in the future

don’t cling to the present, don’t focus on the future
our brain has the capability to project out into the future
- don’t stop thinking about it, just stop living in it
  - ex. have a crush
    - you can act with an expectation of the future
    - or no expectation of the future
    - ex. if you buy them flowers
      - you give the gift with an expectation of something in return - not a real gift, it’s a trade that you didn’t know about, and you don’t know what I’m expecting in return
      - if the expectation isn’t met, then you suffer
karma far
- you’re entitled to your actions, not the consequences of your actions
- you can give someone flowers
  - you can understand the facts around it, that it’ll show them you like them, that you are interested, positive emotions for the receiver
- when you live dispassionately, removed from expectations, you’re more likely to be successful
- your mind serves a function
  - what gets us into trouble is that the mind controls us instead of us controlling the mind
  - ex. senses
    - you should enjoy tasty things, but if you let your tongue run your life, you’ll end up in a world of hurt
    - it’s not that you can’t engage with it, just don’t let it run the show
- the future focus is the same thing
  - calculate out the future
  - but don’t expect a certain result when you take that action, let go of it
  - do the best that you can, then realize that the world outside of you might have different plans
- your suffering will come from the expectation
- look at things in your life that you’ve enjoyed,
  - look at what the expectation was, and what was the influence those expectations had on your enjoyment of the outcome
  - ex. someone telling you “this is the best movie!”
    - then you’re expecting a good movie
    - otherwise, you would’ve been pleasantly surprised that it was good
- living with detachment is a consistent state of pleasant surprise
focus on the actions, don’t expect a response, calculate the odds of the response you want, but recognize that its just chance

avoiding living in the past

clinging to your glory days
notice if your mind wanders, dwells, regret, resentment, etc

what is the atomic make up of these two things?

patterns of the mind
- ex. if you’re resentful for the past “tell me in a 5 min exp. in your life, how you’re resentful for the past”
  - think about the past, emotions from the past, you don’t think about the present
  - or when you look at the present, your present is colored by the experiences of the past
- the past comes in and influence the experience of the present
  - it’s not living in totality, it’s the opposite
if you look at your cognition
- there’s a slice of your mind on the present, and a slice on the past
- any time you have fractured attention, you will not be happy
- ex. if you’re dancing
  - you can be dancing with you’re entire self (totality, joy)
  - or you could be thinking about what other people think (fractured, embarrassed, reserved)

nature of desire

the way we get caught up in the future and the past, they tie themselves to our desires

it’s sort of like an expectation, any time you have a desire, you want to engage in something, then there’s an expected result
ex. advert for cookie, want the cookie, eat the cookie.
- you buy the cookie because of the expectation of fulfilment

how do we undo this?

if we can conquer our desires, we can be detached

jnana yoga perspective

where do your desires come from?
- born from our indrias, or sense organs
- when you want to do something - ex. torn between playing video games and doing homework
  - have the desire to play video game
  - but if you’re activing ‘dispassionately’ you know that doing homework is the logically correct thing to do
  - but we have difficulty doing that, why?
    - because of our desire, we feel like we can’t control it
- we’ll discover that there’s some sort of craving or grasping for something like a sensory experience
  - a past exp. that you want to emulate, but you honestly don’t know if you’ll get that same level of enjoyment
- all tracks back to your sensory organs

grasping

any time you engage with a positive thing, an attachment will form
- your brain will always want more, more, more, regardless of how good the experience was. ex. wanting more food, better matches in a game, etc
you need to look at what happens immediately after the experience
- there’s a grasping there for more
buddhist mythology/metaphysics
- realm between present existence and hell, there’s a realm of hungry ghosts
- souls who have desires but no satisfaction
- ex. skeletons that are hungry but the food falls right through their bones

why not just conquer it?

conquering it is in itself a form of attachment
- “i don’t want to feel this anymore,” “if i conquer it today, i’ll be a better person in the future”
- all you’re doing is replacing one desire for another
- a lot of self help people fall into this trap
  - teaching people how to replace one desire/attachment with a healthier one
process of detachment doesn’t come from conquering
- ex. yogis trying to attain enlightenment, but are still attached to enlightenment
- it is one of sublimation
  - right from solid to gas

you sublimate your desires through observation

look at the moments when you want to binge on your desires
- there’s a thoughtlessness to it, want to go hard
- binge, lose yourself, game binges, drinking binges
- savoring your food vs scarfing down your food
  - “idk what it tasted like, i just lost myself in it”
losing yourself in desire is a joy of the mind
- awareness and the mind don’t go hand in hand
- the mind loves it when you’re not aware
- releasing a dog outside vs keeping it on a lead
the more awareness you cultivate, the less you’ll get lost in your desires

actions & expectations

advanced technique: difficult

what is the relationship between you and the outside world?
stage 1 detachment: “i have no control over the outside world”
- devote to action, not the consequences, do the best you can
stage 2: recognizing the opposite is true
- the outside world is no different from you
- when you try to control the outside world, you’re leaning into a vidya
- for you to control something else, it requires a subject and an object - the thing that is acting and the thing that is being acted upon
- you are no different from the outside world, you are in control of all of it
- “so why doesn’t everyone just bend to my will”
  - the you that you are, isn’t the right you, that’s misidentification with ego
  - your ego isn’t your true self, it doesn’t control the world, you do
  - the awareness that you have is your true self, and that controls the world, it’s one and the same that’s all connected at its root
- when the world does something bad to you, that isn’t the case, that’s misidentification with the ego
  - it’s the world doing what it needs to do
  - it’s not bad for you, it’s you doing this to you
- advanced practice: maha vhakya
  - “tat tvam asi” - ‘i am that’
  - sit & chant it, or focus on the concept of it repeat it physically/think about it
  - or, as you go through life, recognize that you are that
    - not blieve, convince, logic, just recognize
    - it’s all part of one system
    - your ego is just one slice of it, a sock puppet that is being controlled by a hand.
      - the sock puppet isn’t a separate organism, different faces
    - 1st - transcendant compassion
      - so compassionate, it isn’t even compassion
      - traditionally: wanting something good for you
      - but now, putting on a glove so you don’t burn your hand
        
        this is compassionate because we all are aparat of a system
      - requires practice
  - then once you see that the whole system is connected and controlled by you, why do you have to worry?
    - you easily become detached
    - like a child going on a trip with mom & dad who are taking care of everything
  - how do you know that you’re not in the matrix
    - a delusion constructed by a part of you
    - the only thing we have experience of is our own self
    - everyone else is a hallucination, you’re a hallucination too

sphere of influence

what sphere of influence do you truly have?

the sphere of influence that we have over our lives is very limited, you can only control you
and on the flipside, there’s so much you can do in the outside world
- you have an immense amount of power
ex. HG
- the team at HG can’t control the world, but they can have a huge impact on the world
our lethargy & lack of responsibility comes from how powerful we truly are
- this comes from attachment & a sense of ego
- “i can’t do x,y,z”
- we might think it’s facts, but its not
- anyone can start studying like crazy, get a phd, become cancer biologist, and cure cancer
  - or at the very least try
- “but cancer cant be cured!!”
  - this is an expectation
- this pattern is a cycle happens over and over
  - don’t understand who we are
  - don’t understand relationship with the world
    - caught up in desires
    - think happiness comes from the outside
    - keep on chasing and chasing things
  - it never works

summary

suffering comes form avidya
- avidya = ignorance of the situaiton
the manner of this suffering is usually through attachment
so we want to cultivate viragya
- doesn’t mean dissociated or apathetic
- instead, dispassionate, or detached
  - which is actually living fully
    - our attachments keep us from living fully
      - our fear of the consequences
tools:
- observation
  - notice how you expect from the future, what happens when you expect, when you cling to the past
  - the more time the mind spends doing those things, the more attached you’ll be
  - notice that you’re fucked no matter what you do
    - you can’t control the outcomes, only devote to your actions
      - completely devoting yourself to your actions feels great, it makes you impervious to the world around you
it’s about reps
- the more you sublimate, the more calm your mind will be
- ex. why monks are in monasteries
  - remove themselves from the bombardment of the outside world
- cultivate a certain kind of mind
  - what dictates what you experience in your mind?
  - sensory impressions & attachments
  - the more time you spend meditating, time outside your attachments, etc.
    - its about the reps

q&a

relationship between
- these
  - ego
  - outcomes
  - fracutred awareness
  - unsatisfied grasping
  - being done with something (free from karma)
- ego & fractured awareness
  - ego results in fractured awareness 100% of the time
  - ego is the directors cut
    - activity of the brain that isn’t focused on the task
    - neuroscience
      - default mode network
        
        where the sense of self comes from
        
        housing for the ego
        
        hyperactivity of the DFN leads to depression
        
        the fastest acting treatment for depression is ketamine, which is a dissociative agent, shuts off the DFN
    - we sing freely in the shower because no one is watching
      - but if you realize someone is watching or filming you, your ego comes into the picture and your attention is fractured
      - you’re not just singing, you’re thinking about what people will think about your singing
    - binging a show or playing a video game allows us to put our full attention into something, and our ego goes away
- ego, fractured awareness, and outcomes
  - fractured awareness → outcomes
    - fractured awareness leads to bad outcomes
    - it’s the opposite of the flow state
  - ego → outcomes
    - bad
    - narcissim generally leads to unhappiness and those people not doing very well
- - unsatisfied grasping, being done with something
    - uunsatisfied grasping
      - when you have a grasping and you fulfill it, you sew the seeds for future grasping
      - unsatisfied grasping is the goal
      - people advocate for desirelessness, asceticism
        
        you can’t be hardcore about it, you need to be chill about it
        
        “everything has to be as hard as possible!!!”
      - awareness will lead to detachment
      - if you have a grasping, and engage in it with awareness, that will be better than not engaging in it without awareness
        
        I feel like X, I’m going to indulge in it, and see what my reaction is
        
        is it enjoyable? how do i feel? was it worth it?
        
        if you do it with enough awareness, the desire will dissipate over time
    - being done with something/free from karma
      - if you indulge in a desire, it doesn’t free you from karma, it does the opposite
        
        activating the Nucleus Accumbens, signing up for craving and tolerance
        
        more and mopre action, less and less pleasure
      - as you give into grasping, your sewing more karma
      - how to be karmically free
        
        about awareness, what goes on in the inside
        
        flowers example
        
        give the flowers, not expect a result
        
        the action is the end
        
        when you expect somethings, then there’s a mental karma
        
        the perspective of thoughts
        
        give flowers - “i’m glad i improved someones life a little, time to go take my dog for a walk”
        
        vs. atttachment - “i left a note, are they going to text me, why havne’t they texted me yet, why are peoople like this, why am i like this”
        
        vs. ego attachment “look at how detached i am, i gave them flowers and didn’t expect anything, i’m doing so great.”
        
        the difference is in your perception - what you’re able to detect
        
        the more you’re able to detect, the more you will be able to be done with karma
        
        karma is about what you attach to it

are hopes & dreams also just attachments that we should abandon?

no
are they attachments?
- not necessarily
- hopes & dreams could be echos in the mind
- you can have a goal, something you’re striving for
  - notice the tense, striving for vs want to accomplish
    - one is in the present, one is in the future
  - it’s perfectly normal to have hopes and dreams- to strive for, but not to want to accomplish
  - good to have a direction, something you’re striving fore
    - but wanting to accomplish something is a trap
- present focus, action, etc
- even from an outcome perspective, this is good
  - when we try to accomplish something and it doesn’t work out, we see that as failure
  - when we strive for something and it doesn’t work out, we see it as a setback
  - it depends on where you are, what’s the next step forward vs missing your shot
    - gg vs lets go again
abandon?
- this sort of has emotional energy
- we should sublimate, yes
- abandon, no
- abandon means to forsake, give up
  - that’s not the attitude of detachment
  - detachment is about observation and sublimation

actions to take now

watch the expectation that comes from an action
- watch the birth of it
- removing expectations is hard
- how do you remove a tree
  - prevent the planting - a seed is easy to remove, a tree is dificult
- start by obeserving the seeds you’re planting
- what are you expecting to get
- notice how the more expectations you have, the more upset oyu’re going to be
when you suffer
- ask ‘when was this born’
  - you may think it was born from an action, but it wasnt
  - it was born from an expectation
  - the consequence could be born from an action
- when you experience suffering, go back to where the expectation was born
  - if you had changed your attitude toward it, what’d youre life be like
- living where you are now, rather than trying to recreate experiences of the past
  - get wrecked by a hero - “i wanna do that with that OP hero”
    - “anyone can win with that hero, its so frustrating”
  - so you choose that one next time
    - and then you do awful, its not that easy
    - then you feel even more frustrated

part 2

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1QJnydEngE_dzPLumdUTvOQzdaZlc7sQkxFD8uRdetrk/edit#heading=h.tfhc179ywcig https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XTFMa0dmr9SVLjtrlHHOX5m7hwTboNKowp-1gDu8EPM/edit

Joe's Notes

Explorer

Deep Dive into Detachment